Review: New Club Garage (Гараж)

Opening Hours: Restaurant/Cafe- 24/7, Nightclub- Wed/Thu/Sun (from midnight), Fri/Sat (afterparty)
Category: Mid-Range
Feis Kontrol Rating: Bar/Cafe: Low 1/5, Nightclub: Moderate- 3/5
Address: 8 Brodnikov Per.
M: Polyanka
Phone: +7 (495) 238-9745
Website: www.garageclub.ru

Garage is Back! (kind of). The new Garage is set to open on September 9, and while retaining some elements from old Garage, it's certainly a far cry from the dank (but loveable) basement of the old Garage.

Garage aims to be a comfortable place where patrons can come for great food, drinks, and kalyans 24/7 at reasonable prices. On club nights patrons can decide whether to chill on the expansive terrace, or kick it up in the downstairs nightclub.

Garage takes the symbiotic relationship of the old Garage+Cafe Pushka that occupied the space above the Garage until 3 years ago and combines it into a single venue.

The club is located just over Kameniy Most, less than a kilometre from the Kremlin (even closer than the old location, although I'm not sure if that is a plus), near Metro Polyanka. Despite my "never south of the River" mentality (Sorry, First, Rai, Fabrique, etc), it's incredibly easy to get there, especially from the burgeoning club region near the White House (another bizarre juxtaposition).

Upon entering Garage, the first room you come to is a bright cafe-style room with several windows, perfect for a quick snack or coffee during the day, but a little awkward at night, when patrons opt for the more comfortable terrace or bar rooms, or head straight to the club.

The second room is the main bar/restaurant room, also called the "graffiti room", in honour of the large grafitti mural of sports cars in a (you guessed it) garage. All seats are couches in the form of car seats, and the tables are carbon fibre. The old Garage radiator fans are backlit and spin in the wall, and the red brickwork of old is now whitewashed. The metal lampshades now hang in a new, clear format, giving the room a strange sense of familiarity to those who knew the old Garage. A long bar with barstools caters to patrons who prefer to watch the bartenders in action making the new repertoire of delicious cocktails.

Passing through an almost-hidden corridor at the back of the bar will bring you to the terrace, which appears almost as another world. A light, airy combination of lounges, curtains, and a truly relaxed atmosphere make this my favourite place to chill with a kalyan in the new Garage.

On club nights the entry staircase will cause old Garage flashbacks- Garage has carefully relocated the original metal staircase and railings from the old Garage, and the only difference is the colour scheme. The deja-vu is enhanced once you reach the dancefloor, the coloured squares on the dancefloor, bar height and lights are all reminiscent of the Garage of yesteryear. The colour scheme is largely metallic, with a solid steel bar and a shattered-glass effect underneath.

Off the dancefloor, a large private room with cosy exposed brick can hold up to 6 table reservations, and another corridor leads to another two rooms with private bar and toilets, perfect for parties. Both are equipped for karaoke. Completing the below-ground offering are additional unisex bathrooms.

The menu is a mix of hits from the old Garage, and some popular offerings from the restaurant in the location that new Garage displaced. Typical Moscow-style Russian/European offerings are plentiful, but notable are some delicious foreign touches, the spicy thai salad, fajitas, empanadas, tom yum soup, burritos, chicken wings and more make for some tasty diversions! Surprisingly, Garage's sushi and other Japanese offerings have received rave reviews from customers.

The biggest difference in the offerings of the new Garage is the focus on new and interesting cocktails, and quality kalyans. The bar manager Sasha is freshly imported from one of Bulgaria's top cocktail bars, and has written a creative mix of specialty cocktails for the club, and injected imagination and fun into the cocktail process- ask for him to come up with something unique for you! Another noteable addition are the cocktail shakers- 1000 rubles for 500ml of a special mix available in five colours, served in your own shaker with shot glasses- try the legendary Garage red shaker!

Pre-opening, it's tough to evaluate how Garage will succeed in attracting both old and new clientele- necessary since the new location is over 3x larger than the old. The club has been open in a test regime for 3 weeks, and initial impressions have been positive. Perhaps the biggest thing in Garage's favour is the wholesale migration of virtually the entire team from the old Garage, so the new venue already seems familiar, and it certainly a comfortable place to pass the time. As a restaurant and 24/7 cafe and place to chill out, Garage certainly seems to have a bright future, and as a nightclub- Stay tuned!

At best, the new Garage strives to be the old Garage, but updated and made more comfortable. At worst, it's an eclectic mix of styles and environments with an overriding techno/automotive theme that don't quite click together. Time will tell which will prevail!

For the review and pictures of the old Garage, please click here.

Disclaimer: MoscowMAXIMUM is involved with Garage, so while I've tried to make this review as objective as possible, some bias may remain. So there! :)

Garage to Rise Again

For those of you who (like me) have been mourning the passing of Garage, there's great news for you- Garage will be re-opening in a new (undisclosed) location in June!

The new multi-level Garage will be, like its predecessor, aimed at a fun crowd who want a fun, comfortable location with great food and cocktails 24 hours a day. There will be a spacious and comfortable summer terrace in a courtyard shaded by trees and remote from the road, a large DJ Cafe/Restaurant with lounges, a long bar, and an updated design, while still staying faithful to some elements of the old Garage. Garage has imported specialty cocktail bartenders to serve all your favourite cocktails, and many more, and will have a Kalyan attendant 24 hours a day.

For those longing for the cosy underground haven that was the old Garage, you can venture downstairs Wednesday through Sunday to the nightclub, where once again, the owners have sought to update the design, while staying faithful to the original Garage. Here another bar will ring the dancefloor, and there are several rooms for private (or not-so-private) parties.

MoscowMAXIMUM will post more closer to the opening, but if you'd like to be kept informed of the pre-parties, official opening, and other events, please send an email with your full name, phone number, and email address to garage@moscowmaximum.com.

(Yes, I know I've been hopelessly behind on posting updates for other club openings/closings, but MoscowMAXIMUM has been busy, I promise some comprehensive updates soon).

Review: Kitchkoсk (КичКок)

Opening Hours: 7 Days, 11am-12am (Sun-Wed), 12pm-last customer (Thu-Sat)
Category: Bar, Lounge, Restaurant, Nightclub
Feis Kontrol Rating: Moderate - 3/5
Address: Petrovka Ulitsa, 21.
M: Tverskaya, Teatralnaya, Trubnaya
Phone: +7 (495) 642-0358
Website: http://www.kitchkock.com/

This difficult-to-spell location is one of the best openings of late 2008 and has already proved itself a massive success in its opening couple of months, especially as a weekend pre-party, with a creative DJ spinning original and creative variants to a packed house of a moneyed, older crew, who seem at home in the Petrovka triumphirate of Kitchkock, Simachev, and Chapurin (or even the hapless Most). Despite some name similarity to the famous filmmaker Hitchcock, the only similarity that I can see they share is a British (in Kitchkock's case: punk) theme that weaves its way throughout the bar.

Kitchkok's discreet entrance on Petrovka, next door to karaoke bar Dzhelsamino belies the expansive interior that awaits at the top of the stairs, itself promising much through a combination of exposed brick, chain handrail, and sparkling floor. The interior of the main level of this lounge/cafe/club is an attractive blend of comfortable couches in a faux-antique style, intriguing artwork (think large stuffed red vinyl bears), and the modern black-and-metal touches that seem to be required of all Moscow locations (think "Escobar" done right). The main room is bisected by a staircase that leads to an all-white VIP table & couches upstairs, and another small golden VIP room for private "events" and narcotics usage.

The room opens out after the staircase, avoiding the low-ceiling claustrophobic feel that afflicts many new venues in Moscow. The two-storey space is hemmed by a bar on one side (and another under the staircase), the DJ booth on another, and another staircase leading to another VIP table balcony. Adjacent to the staircase are the bathrooms, the small size of which is offset by the tasteful (and occasionally hardcore) lesbian porn on show above the men's stalls- making your aim into the stall a little difficult if you linger here too long.

It's not entirely clear yet what Kitchkock wants to be when it grows up. The restaurant is certainly tasty and reasonably well-priced, but this isn't a place that comes to mind simply for dining. It's the weekend evenings that really take off, with a crowd that comes after 10 to dine, dance, and drink to creative remixes (of anything from classical music, to 80's (U2?), to funk and modern house), and then move on to other locations after the clubs open, meaning Kitchkock is the perfect option to fill those times once you've finished dinner and before the clubs really start kicking in.

Kitchkok is managed and promoted by Zeppelin, meaning several of the managers (and Feis Kontrol) will be familiar from Most. The (kilt-clad) staff is friendly, the service (especially on off-nights) is efficient, and the prices are reasonable. My main criticism of the place is the tiny entryway at the top of the stairs and inefficient coat-check, making it a pain to get in or out of Kitchkock with any sort of efficiency.

Overall, Kitchkock is an excellent new addition to Moscow's nightlife, filling a needed niche with great design, ambiance, service and pricing, proving that even in these "Krizis" times, a great new place will find a welcome in Moscow.

Review: Chapurin (Чапурин)

Opening Hours: Sun-Thu, 10am-1am, Fri/Sat 10am-last customer
Category: Lounge, Bar, Pre-Party
Feis Kontrol Rating: Moderate - 3/5
Address: Kuznetskiy Most Ul., 6/3, Bldg. 3
M: Teatralnaya/Kuznetskiy Most
Phone: +7 (495) 660-5075
Website: http://www.chapurin.ru/

Exclusive fashion designer Chapurin offers his refined view of nightlife in an exclusive but comfortable two-storey, gay-friendly bar next door to Club Most.

Review: Blackberry (Блэкберри/Черника)

Opening Hours: 7 days, 11am-last customer.
Category: Restaurant, Lounge, Pre-Party, Exclusive
Feis Kontrol Rating: Moderate - 3/5.
Address: Akademika Sakharova Pr., 10
M: Chistiye Prudy
Phone: +7 (495) 926-1640
Website: N/A

Moscow's newest (and most popular) experiment with high quality food and service at reasonable prices is drawing high-end crowds at all hours of the day. Great pre-party venue.

Review: Black Star / La Terrasse (Блэк Стар)

Opening Hours: 7 days, 3pm-last customer. Feis Kontrol from 10pm Fri/Sat.
Category: Lounge, Pre-Party, Exclusive
Feis Kontrol Rating: High - 4/5.
Address: Top Floor, Kievsky Vokzal Pl., 2 (Evropeisky Shopping Centre)
M: Kievskaya
Phone: +7 (495) 229-8428, 229-8429
Website: N/A

Following the closing of Zhara, Moscow rap icon Timati has opened the first of several bars in a complex located on the top of Evropeisky shopping mall in Kievskaya.

La Terrasse is the first bar to open, to shortly be followed by Black Star Club. Similar to venues like Royal Bar or Kalina, it seems to be positioned as a great warm-up bar or a place for a more chill evening listening to cool beats while reclining on couches.

This place is painful to get to. Once you know the right entrance ramp from the street, you drive up for what seems like forever, asking directions and passing through at least two more entrance gateways (vehicle Feis Kontrol) before you even get to club parking. After that it’s into Evropeisky, to an elevator to the top level. I’m exhausted and in need of a Red Bull before I even get to the bar.

Once through Feis Kontrol (ex-Dyagilev VIP), the venue opens into a comfortable lounge, with a long rectangular shape, cozy cream sofas everywhere, a central bar, and a DJ spinning chilled beats with just a hint of R’n’B to promote the relaxed vibe. To get patrons in the mood to party, the music tempo increases through the evening on weekend nights, sounding more like Opera’s Thursday offerings (Russkie Pop mixed with enough R’n’B to convincingly claim it’s an R’n’B party (think “Umbrella” remix)).

Despite the recent opening, the bar staff seem capable and relaxed, and will show off their flair skills at the sight of a cute girl at the bar. Drink prices are reasonable, but then again, you are on the roof of a shopping mall. The menu is typical Evro, but dishes are well-prepared, tasty, and surprisingly reasonably priced too.

The crowd on the nights I have been there have been a little sparse, but high quality. There are plenty of stunning women lounging around, and it’s much more tusovka than trashy (a relief after Zhara- but then again, I’m not their target market).

Based on La Terrasse, I would expect Black Star to be something like Zhara meets Soho. Timati & his partners are likely to capitalise on the increasing maturity of R’n’B to move the defunct Zhara upscale, and I’ll be curious to see how it goes. If you like Timati or R’n’B, it should certainly fit your bill.

Overall, La Terrasse is a great place for a snack or pre-party drink, but unlike Royal Bar (also a pain to get to), there’s not enough there to keep you there for a whole evening, so I don’t know if the odyssey to get to it is worth it. If it was on the street someplace, I’d love it, but I’ll reserve judgment until it’s fully operational.

To be continued...

Review: Malibu (Малибу)

Opening Hours: Summer Weekends from 12pm-late
Category: Mid-Range, Lounge, Summer
Feis Kontrol Rating: Easy - 2/5
Address: Moscow oblast, Mytishchinskiy region, Zhostovo township, Holiday Zone "Bukhta Radosti-2" (the route from Moscow is well signposted to "Malibu")
M: None
Phone: +7 (495) 969-0549, 797-1267
Website: www.clubmalibu.ru

In the future, I think last night will mark the defining moment when I truly knew Moscow had too much money for its own good. Whoever would pay for the most expensive club development ever ($22 million) to create a ridiculously tacky monstrosity in the middle of nowhere needs to have his head examined (money-laundering requirements aside).

Someone gave a designer with a “Finding Nemo” fetish one too many tabs of bad LSD, an unlimited budget, and a mandate to combine Vegas, Disneyland, and Odessa with the glitz of Moscow nightlife, and drop it in a location better suited for “The Blair Witch Project #34”. While I wholeheartedly DO NOT recommend Malibu as a nightspot- it truly has to be seen to be believed.

Let’s start with the location. 25km past the MKAD (the highway that defines Moscow city limits), and 15km past where the streetlights stop, deep in the forest. For those of you not accustomed to going outside the Garden Ring (no, Krysha doesn’t count), a visit to Malibu could qualify you for a year’s worth of Russian cultural exchange. En route, we passed a bunch of guys watching football in a field, their TV plugged into a high voltage power stanchion. The sight of bemused half-naked locals grilling shashlik in tents, watching as a caravan of Moscow’s glitterati in their Bentley’s & Mercedes' crawled by on the rutted, unpaved roads was a sight to behold, and about the only time I could think that the purchase of a Hummer in Moscow could be justified.

After hacking your way through the forest, you arrive at the gaudy neon-illuminated complex, guarded by an exact replica of the ship from “Pirates of the Caribbean”, complete with mannequins of Jack Sparrow, firing cannons, and black sails.

As Malibu is a summer-only venue, there are numerous yacht berths for people to arrive by water. For some unknown reason, the yacht berths are watched over by an elephant.

The main pontoon (the whole club is floating out into the water) is endless. Patrons stroll through a large concrete maw (simulating Viking longboats, I think), flanked by porpoises, to emerge on a long roofdeck. To the right lies a semi-indoor chillout zone, with lounges and multicoloured disco balls. Ahead are two long lap-pools, encircled by neon-laced fake palm trees, and a circular bar. I expected to be served vodka garnished with fruit and little frilly umbrellas.

Proceeding past the deck, you circumnavigate a sandcastle-like building, which houses a couple of bathrooms, a meeting room (wtf?), and another restaurant-type room on the 2nd floor. Across a small bridge, and this venue is starting to feel endless. There are views of the other platform across an interior lagoon, with floating fake yellow lotuses and candless, which can't obscure the cheesy neon sign flashing "Malibu", in a size that could be seen from space, with a style reminiscent of something last seen on Phuket. Across another open platform, and then wristbands are checked for entry into the club.

At this point any remaining semblence of reality and good taste (not that there's much left) vanishes as you enter a subterranean domain with jellyfish, sharks, whales, and who knows what else suspended from the ceiling, a central raised dancefloor (which thoughtfully restricts access to the other side of the room), surrounded by cave-like VIP booths and ringed by an upstairs VIP balcony. A hostess thoughtfully told me that there were 4 levels of VIP at Malibu, with the Super-VIP gold bracelets reserved for celebrities and visiting royalty (this was with a straight face). The walls are done in a quasi-sandy coral reef-like finish, and for a club that was so expensive to build, everything looks cheap and tacky (with the exception of the sound and laser system).

The DJ is perched high on a raised dais above the dancefloor, presiding over seahorse-encrusted decks, while pirate-costumed go-go girls whirl around below (now why didn't they have those in "Pirates of the Carribbean"?). The bars are uncomfortably raised and taller patrons have to duck under their ~5'5" roof to be able to order a drink (and it's damn hot there).

A trip downstairs to the bathrooms (if you can find them) is a treat, with Jaws busting out of the wall half-way down (he makes another appearance popping out of a billboard near the entrance), pirate-encostumed skeletons in the washroom, and Club XIII-like open lipsticked mouth urinals in the mens bathroom. It's a special experience, especially since you're below water level.

Since it was opening night, the crowd was a strange mix of Moscow club scene (I'm still laughing about juxtaposition of the poor girls on stiletto's tottering along the forest paths to get to the club), with some centre regulars mixed in with a strongly regional crew (not surprising given it's located 90 minutes from the centre). The venue is so huge and remote that unless you turn up without pants (as we saw one fellow nearby), the chances of being turned away by Feis Kontrol are slim.

Drink prices are refreshingly reasonable by centre standards, and with familiar faces smiling from behind the bar, management has evidently poached a competent and professional bar staff.
Overall, Malibu has to be seen to be believed. If you're a yacht owner, then I could see it as a good place to pull up for a few drinks and to lie on the beach during the day, but as a nightclub, it's way too far and way too tacky to attract the Moscow tusovka.

Review: Galereya/Gallery (Галерея)

Opening Hours: 24 Hours, 7 Days. (No reservations after 9.30pm)

Category: Lounge, Post-Party, Pre-Party

Feis Kontrol Rating: Low - 2/5

Address: Petrovka Ul. 27

M: Pushkinskaya/Tverskaya

Phone: +7 (495) 937-4544

Website: http://www.cafegallery.ru/

Galereya is the quintessential place in Moscow that everyone loves to hate, yet so may people (myself included), find ourselves back there at all times of the day or night. Yes, it's pretentious, it's Novikov, it's not good value (this is Moscow- what is?), it's full of hookers, the food's not great, the service can be terrible, but for all that- I'm an unabashed Galereya lover.

Why? I'll answer at the end of the post, but first- a little about Galereya.

Galereya is a 24-hour restaurant & lounge, located on the corner of Strastnoy Bulvar and Petrovka. It's immediately recognisable (like all Novikov places) by all the black cars idling out front. Through the entrance and feis kontrol (yes, at a restaurant, but thankfully it's not too painful), the coat check and bathrooms (constantly a wait due to all the people powdering their noses and/or f**king) are on the left, and to the right past the maitre'd and DJ lies the restaurant.

Although the restaurant is bustling most evenings, I find the greatest attraction at Galereya to be the luxurious lounges which are located on the left at the far end of the restaurant. These chocolate-coloured monuments to relaxation are perfect whether lounging with friends over a leisurely drinks/dinner/late night dessert (or later-night breakfast), or canoodling with a new-found friend (sometimes acquainted on-premises). They're great for groups of 2-10 or more, as there are all shapes & sizes.

The menu is the typical Novikov Evrotrash menu, with a mix of decent salads, pastas, fish, meat, sushi, etc., but the unique and best attraction in my opinion is the "Nostalgia" Russian menu, featuring tasty, traditionally prepared Borsch, Pelmeni, Chicken Kiev, and more (at New Russian prices). The dessert range is also very extensive and delicious- vital for a 24/7 venue.

The reason I've included a review of Galereya in a nightlife guide is that it's bustling at all times of the day and night. On Monday's and Tuesday's it can be the only game in town, and post-5/6am on the weekends the place is packed with people fuelling up for the after-party, or before heading home. It's a safe bet that if Galereya's dead, there's not much else going on in town.

The other outstanding feature of Galereya is its summer patio, which comes alive with capacity for another 100 people as soon as it's warm enough to do so. On the weekends, it's a stand-alone party in its own right, with gogo dancers, bands, and more comfortable lounges.

The crowd is a mix of wealthy young Russians, higher-income expats, older businessmen, girls sitting alone sipping tea and waiting for company (who may or may not be for sale), couples canoodling, or groups of friends preparing for a night out. The lounge is frequented on weekdays by the club promoters, who will breeze through with some club models or dancers handing out compilation CD's to advertise the coming weekend's parties.

One of the nicer things about the scene at Galereya these days is, having opened close to two years ago and as such now the 4th most recent place that Novikov has opened, the "must-be-seen-at-latest-Novikov-place" crowd has now moved on to pollute GQ Bar, and Galereya is left with the "regular" see-and-be-seen crowd (if this doesn't make any sense to you, you haven't spent enough time in Moscow).

So why do I like Galereya? For many of the reasons above, it's comfortable, it's well-located, it serves decent food, it has great scenery, and it's a great place to hang out with friends or bring visitors for a taste of a certain aspect of Moscow life.

Review: Solyanka (Солянка)

Opening Hours: Thu-Sat, 11pm-7am
Category: Lounge, Mid-Range,
Feis Kontrol Rating: Easy - 2/5 (depends on how you fit the scene)
Address: Solyanka Ul., 11/6.
M: Kitai Gorod
Phone: +7 (495) 221-7557
Website: http://www.s-11.ru/

In the Summer of 2007, Solyanka semi-officially opened to "rave" reviews. Positioned as a more democratic alternative to Gazgolder, and aimed at Moscow's burgeoning Nu Rave scene, this club is often packed with more neon than a 1980's ski suit store.

It's hard to precisely articulate what constitutes the Nu Rave scene in Moscow (or perhaps I'm just too old and uncool to understand it), but it evidently involves finding truckloads of crap stuff from the late 1980's (think leggings, Atari t-shirts, bad sunglasses- pretty much anything neon), and wearing it out in public.

Since I couldn't find many decent photos of Solyanka online, most of the photos on this post are of the types of people who are there, like these guys on the left- don't they look like lots of fun to party with?

Solyanka is the epicenter of this Nu Rave scene, well, it plus newcomer Justo Bain Douche, which is more hipster, and less nu rave, but who cares, I don't like either of them. They take pretension levels to a new high, with patrons thinking that they're even cooler than all the glamorous losers who go to the megaclubs, which makes them even more pretentious. They look down at the poor little empty-headed bimbos at the other clubs, forgetting that they're the idiots wearing 1988 neon (in fact, J.A.B was screening "Back to the Future" the other night, and the fashion made me think that I was in Solyanka), not to mention the other weekend I swear there was some guy that looked like Michael J Fox running around with his puffer vest.

Varying tastes aside, Solyanka is certainly a great venue, housed in an old mansion (similar to XIII), thoroughly renovated to house a spacious venue with lots of interesting design elements. Through a gateway, you line for face control, and then if admitted, most pay 500 rubles (much has been made of a hipster club being one of the few to charge cover) and proceed to the second floor. The interior resembles a large apartment, with several rooms located off a long corridor. The nearest room houses a bar and some couches for chilling (a common pastime in this club), the centre room has more couches and tables, and then the main room has the DJ located in front of a large multimedia installation, a large open space, and some great windowsills on which people can perch when not dancing. At the far end is a larger bar facing a wooden slat wall, with large brass circular lights artistically arranged over the bar.

The overall decor is that of quasi 1950's space-age furniture juxtaposed with the old dilapidated grandeur of the building, and a couple of higher-tech touches which contrast both and work really well.

The DJ's tend to be more adventurous than the megaclubs, with a mix of electronica and grunge house mixed in with some of the same house as at other clubs.

As previously noted, the crowd tends to be younger, and aims for the hipster chic look, and fewer of the glamourous poseurs found in the pafosny clubs and megaclubs (these are more unglamorous poseurs). While there are still stunning girls and good-looking guys, the "edgy" look the club is looking for tends to value the Nu Rave look, attire and attitude over more "traditional" feis kontrol attributes, so there are definitely patrons whose aesthetics and waistlines wouldn't be welcome at Dyagilev.

Those who actively dislike the megaclub scene or are looking for a different scene will find a lot to like about Solyanka (and the food is pretty good too!). Despite it not being my taste, it is a quality venue, and extremely popular with the crowd it's looking to attract. Even I bregudgingly occasionally turn up for particular events, and have a good time at a great venue with great tunes.

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Update: Some friends & I hit Solyanka for dinner last weekend, and while enjoying a pleasant (and great value) meal, we were duly informed that since Solyanka turned into a club at 11pm, feis kontrol would be patrolling the dining room, and we would be asked to pay the 300RUB cover. WTF? This strikes a new low for penny-pinching Moscow venues, but I guess this is what you have to do when you have 15yo patrons.

Review: GQ Bar (GQ Бар)

Opening Hours: 24/7 (Bar), 12-last customer (Cafe)
Category: Lounge, Pre-Party, Bar
Feis Kontrol Rating: Low - 1/5, Dress smart
Address: Balchug Ul., 17
M: Novokuznetskaya
Phone: +7 (495) 956-7775
Website: http://bar.gq.ru/

GQ Bar opened with much fanfare in March 2007 as Moscow restauranteur extraordinaire Arkadiy Novikov's latest and greatest venture (in collaboration with Conde Nost Publishing- hence the name).

It was designed along a similar theme to some of his other restaurant/lounges such as Galereya and Aist, but on a more ambitious scale. The venue consists of a cafe-style restaurant (similar to Galereya), and a more upscale restaurant (similar to 2nd floor at Aist), as well as a long bar- which is the subject of this review.

In my opinion, the better scene at GQ is actually in the cafe, where there's more entertaining "see & be seen" Muscovites, hotter girls, and fewer lonely tourists and hookers.

To find GQ Bar, go right as you enter GQ, coolly dismissing the haughty greetings from the maitre'd's (who would have duly informed you that all tables in the empty cafe were reserved anyhow), and into a long narrow room, the decor of which is part throwback to the English gentleman's clubs of old, and cutting edge, with a bar made of crushed black glass, interwoven with fiber optics for some dazzling visual effects.

The long bar is lined with barstools for those in front, and some curious niches at either end, where you can actually sit behind the bar, confusing some patrons who try to order drinks from other customers sitting behind them.

Opposite the bar, the wall is lined with bookshelves and wine, there's a fireplace with candles, and overstuffed couches which take up far too much space. At either end of the bar is a staircase which takes you to a mezzanine on top of the bar where more lounges and tables are located. Barstaff are generally snooty, although somewhat knowledgable about the cocktails and food they serve.

GQ Bar is a popular pre-party spot on Friday and Saturday evenings, when it's packed from about 9pm to 1am, and the bar has gogo dancers and the music is amped to get the crowd in the mood.

You could fill a book with all the things I dislike about GQ Bar. First & foremost, it's an uncomfortable space, this long skinny bar gets very busy, and it's impossible to move through the crowd, or find a comfortable place to stand without getting jostled. The second floor mezzanine seems to serve no appreciable purpose, you might as well be marooned on Mars up there, since the view is not good enough to be a reason to sit there, yet the bar and music are too loud up there to be a nice secluded space to talk with friends.

The attitude and practices of the bartenders add further injury to the unjustifiably high prices, they routinely try and serve patrons Imperia (one of the most expensive vodkas at approx $40/shot), when they request a vodka mixed drink. I've personally had arguments where they have done this and then refuse to remake the drink with a reasonably priced (ie $20/shot) vodka.

The crowd is significantly older than most places in Moscow, and reflects a mix of over-the-hill hookers, visiting businessmen (one of the reasons for the oversupply of prostitutes), and others who think it's "cool" to be in GQ's bar (Note: it is still arguably "cool" to be in one of the restaurants). Hordes of tourists, who've read that GQ Bar is the "it" place to be throng the place gushing about how they were able to get past "face control", who are next to useless.

One of GQ Bar's redeeming features is that it is (like Galereya) one of the few (admittedly sparsely) populated places on a Monday or Tuesday evening, the nights that this city that never sleeps is practically clinically dead. The resident DJ is also usually pretty good, playing an appropriate mix of house for the chill environment.

Go and experience the pretension of GQ for yourself, post comments if you agree or disagree!