Review: Garage (Гараж)

Opening Hours: 24 hours/7 days

Category: Post-Party

Feis Kontrol Rating: Moderate- 3/5

Address: Tverskaya 16/2

M: Pushkinskaya, Tverskaya

Phone: +7 (495) 650-1848

Website: http://www.garageclub.ru/

Garage is one of Moscow's longest-running clubs (since 1998), and is housed in a dark basement beneath a quasi-condemned building facing Pushkin Square. The automotive theme is evident from the rear-end of a old car mounted above the entrance door, and a couch and a few pictures downstairs, but everyone pretty much ignores it otherwise.

Although Garage is open 24/7, it has a lively crowd only on particular days of the week. It is pretty much the only place to be in Moscow after 2am on Wednesdays and Sundays (for its legendary R'n'B parties), and is one of the best late night places (after 5am) on Fri/Sat nights.

The crowd at Garage is a true cross-representation of the highs and the lows of Moscow's nightlife denizens. Despite this club being the antithesis of the glamour and excess of Moscow's top clubs, it is perennially popular with a certain segment of the "in" crowd, including a lot of the dancers, bartenders and managers of many of Moscow's top venues. By virtue of it being a lot more low-key than say, Dyagilev, it attracts "serious" party goers for whom the cheaper drinks and music focus on certain nights is more important than being in the "right" place. Since it's located around the corner from one of Moscow's other long-standing and illustrious institutions, Night Flight, a lot of the Night Flight girls (hookers) come by Garage after it closes to see if they can pick up a few more tricks for the evening. The cheap drinks and constant opening hours attract students, and it's longstanding existence ensures its coverage in travel guides, and so unsuspecting clueless tourists are also often in attendance (having paid off the security guys).

All of this makes a potent mix of the familar and downright random on any given night in Garage, which is part of the fun. The food is also pretty good, as are the kalyan's (hookah's) available 24/7. Some of my more entertaining Moscow dining experiences, (such as sushi off naked girls- mind the wasabi!) have also taken place here, as Garage has an enthusiastic spirit of innovation- even after all this time.

Like most Moscow clubs, Garage has gogo girls, although the cramped environment, low headroom, and somewhat less statuesque physiques of these girls makes it almost a parody of the larger clubs, and in some cases simply acts as a backdrop to the debauchery that's often taking place on the bars, the stage, and certainly the impromptu sessions on the stripper pole. The late night photos from Garage on Geometria have left many people a little concerned (and more than a little enlightened) about who or what they did the night before, I'm sure (see below).

Obtaining entrance to Garage can be downright painful. The feis kontrol (or lack thereof) has a reputation of being the most capricious and unpredictable in Moscow. Garage only has professional feis kontrol late night on weekends, and the other nights have party promoters, or the regular security goons on the door. Unfamiliar faces will often be turned away or hit up for "cover charges" (entrance to Garage is free), and even regulars will sometimes be randomly rejected. This can be pretty frustrating for such a downmarket place, especially on a given Tuesday when you know it's completely empty.

The club itself consists of two bars and a slightly separated dancefloor, adjacent to a stage with a stripper pole which is often put to good use by amateurs and professionals. The room further from the dancefloor has tables and is more of a chillout location to smoke kalyan and is primarily a hangout for the crew that seems to be here every night and seem to know everyone. The second bar is a good place to perch and watch the entertainment, and the dancefloor is the habitat for everyone from off-work professional dancers to partygoers stumbling around coming down from whatever substance they've consumed, depending on the day and time.

Overall, I find Garage to be one of the most entertaining and consistent venues in Moscow. The anti-glam and rough edges of the venue give way to a crowd of surprisingly warm and friendly patrons and staff, and I like to consider it the Moscow nightclub version of "Cheers".

Most importantly, it provides a place to party on Wednesdays and Sundays, and for this alone the unpredictable feis kontrol and excessive propositions from hookers are a small price to pay.

Review: Club Barfly (Клуб БарФлай)

Opening Hours: Noon-all night
Category: Lounge, Restaurant, Pre-Party?
Feis Kontrol Rating: Easy- 2/5
Address: Noviy Arbat 24, (below Oktabyr cinema)
M: Arbatskaya
Phone: +7 (495) 203-0547, 220-3839
Website: http://www.novikovgroup.ru/

Last weekend Club Barfly opened in the space that used to house Black October, underneath the Oktabyr cinema on Noviy Arbat. This joint venture between Novikov and "Quatro Amigos" (of Opera & Shambala fame) seems to be intent on souping up the atmosphere on weekends, and turning this lounge/restaurant into a hopping club. I'll be curious to see if this works.

They've promised to line up the best of DJ's, and have done some minor redecorating to the old Black October (also a Novikov venue), and the new place looks good, if somewhat identity-confused (I'm not surprised, one of the promotional flyers for the new venue promised an "alcohol-inspired" cuisine- a first even for Moscow!).

Despite a stated target market of a "rich and beautiful adult audience of at least 21-22 years", the opening night showed a marked tendencies to the mid-teenage Black October-type crowd, although admittedly somewhat more attractive than previously. Despite promises of "strict feis kontrol", my guess is the crowd that came here for Black October will be drawn to the same venue, and the feis kontrol will capitulate to fill the place.

The venue itself consists of a long bar along the back of a long, mostly rectangular room, with a polished marble floor and annoying interior support columns. Places for go-go dancers and a VIP room have been added to further align the bar with a more club-like atmosphere.

It will be interesting to see what this venue evolves into. I look forward to checking out the food in the near future. If I had to guess, if it is successful, it will attract a pre-party dinner scene giving way to high-end pre-party (at it's best, think Most), but I find it hard to see that it will compete with the high-end clubs later in the evening.

Overall, a successful opening and an interesting reincarnation of a tired venue.

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Update: 16/12/2007:

Having attempted to go to Barfly twice in the last week, I have to sadly report that it truly sucks.

On a recent Thursday, there was not a soul in the place. On Saturday night, despite a valiant attempt by some friends & I to dine there. The minimal number of patrons, poor service, unimaginative menu, and average quality food did not win any hearts from our group. I will not be returning.

Stop the Burn!

I'm sad to report that yet another club has eschewed Red Bull in favour of Coca-Cola's inferior (and painfully sweeter) product- Burn.

Opera (following Rai) has now stopped serving Red Bull, leaving Dyagilev as the only megaclub still serving the party-prolonging (and apparently health-endangering) nectar of the gods.

Review: Club The Most (Мост)

Opening Hours: Fri/Sat from 11pm - last customer

Category: Pre-Party, Ultra-Exclusive

Feis Kontrol Rating: Tough- 4/5

Address: Kuznetskiy Most, 6/3

M: Kuznetskiy Most

Phone: +7 (495) 226-6555

Website: N/A

Update: Jan 2009
After a minor refurbishment during Summer 2008 (resulting in a moved bar, DJ booth, and opening out the dancefloor a little), Most unfortunately hasn't really recovered, and visits here these days often find a relatively sparse crowd of people who couldn't make it past Feis Kontrol elsewhere but still want to be in a "top" club.
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Finally, after so many false starts so far this season, Moscow nightlife may finally have a new elitny nightclub that's here to stay! The Most opened on a stormy night which dampened some of it's outdoor arrangements, but the inside was a glitterfest of Moscow's beautiful, ultra-rich, semi-(or genuinely) famous, creepy, and the rest of us who managed to somehow land an invite. I'm delighted to report that a month on, it's as packed as ever, has a good crowd (think Krysha meets Simachev meets Dyagilev), and creative DJ's.

The Most is located in a Kuznetskiy Most basement, underneath the extravagant restaurant of the same name, and is partially owned by non-other than Roman Abramovich himself. The same location housed another nightclub called Most in the early 90's, but the location has undergone major renovation since then (excavating down another floor, for starters) and there has no doubt been some serious spending on the interior.

The dominant colour is a sparkling black with all sorts of glass walls, sparkling baubles, lasers, and flashing things (including than the go-go dancers and girls in attendance) which give the club a suspenseful, exciting feel, and ornate design elements like the enormous chandelier over the dancefloor and the gold-leaf mirrors provide a nice antique turn which soften what would otherwise be a more soulless "modern" interior. Although the club follows a typical 2-storey format with sunken dancefloor in the centre ringed by terraces, it is successfull due to well-planned design and more room to move throughout (and up & down) the club for all those "see & be seen" types (ie most people there) who like to roam throughout the club. There's only one annoying tiny spiral staircase nestled in the back of the club. The dance floor is set away from major thoroughfares, so unlike most clubs, those on the dancefloor don't have to be as jostled as in other locations (there's also a bar at each end of the dancefloor, a definite plus!)

The DJ's in attendance have so far been a mix of those who regularly do sets at other clubs including Dyagilev, Opera & Rai, so this has generated consistently good, if not overly inventive tunes.

The Most seems to have been successful in capturing the early (~12am-~2am) part of Moscow nightlife. As opposed to other popular Pre-Party venues (Bar 7, Simachev), Most has the design and vibe of a "real" club, although it gets decidedly less crowded after ~1am. It will be interesting to see how its crowd and positioning evolve over time.

In terms of negatives, apart from the attitude of some attendees at any new & exclusive place in Moscow, the coat check is awkwardly positioned, drinks are expensive, and that crazy spiral staircase is annoying, but all-in-all, great design, crowd, and music.

Overall, this is a great new addition to Moscow's nightlife and may be the most enduring of the many late-2007 openings.

Review: Bacardi Bar/ I Fiori (Бакарди Бар / И Фиори)

Opening Hours: 24/7
Category: Pre-Party, Lounge
Feis Kontrol Rating: Easy- 1/5
Address: Novy Arbat 36/9
M: Smolenskaya
Phone: +7 (495) 290-7160
Website: www.i-fiori.ru

This weekend saw the opening of Bacardi Bar (officially called I Fiori), a new branded drinking establishment to join he ranks of Chivas, Courvoisier, Ballantynes, etc.

The is a large roughly square establishment, with brightly painted Bacardi-oriented murals on the wall houses a selection of lounge-like seating around tables for eating, drinking, hookahs, although as yet no dancing on tables. The space seems comfortable, but more akin to a quieter lounge than an active pre-party (think Simachev or Bar 7), so given the bar's likely extended opening hours, this may end up as a more popular all-hours cafe/lounge (e.g Gallereya, Courvoisier) than pre-party venue.

I will be interested to return on a non-opening weekend to see how it settles in, but on this first visit, the pumping (but good) music didn't really fit with the relaxed lounges & garish walls. To really support the music, I tihnk more standing/dancing area would be required than is currently available.

The bar is centrally located in the room, withi minimal manoevering space around it. The crowd is a mix of the usual Moscow club scene, mixed with a more corporate look, as if the bar is trying to reach out to a less fickle group of patrons.

Overall, definitely worth a follow-up visit or two to check out the food and how the crowd and atmosphere settle down, but a welcome addition to this part of town.

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Update: 14/11/2007:

Went for a late dinner on a recent Tuesday, crowd has settled down to a Galereya-type crew (but a little less wannabe), food is good (but typically overpriced), and I Fiori has a mellow feel to it. Definitely a good place to bring a crew to chill with a hookah and have something to eat.

Review: Versus (Версус)

Opening Hours: 12pm-last customer, Fri/Sat
Category: Megaclub
Feis Kontrol Rating: Straighforward- 2/5
Address: 15A Oruzheyniy Pereulok
Phone: +7 (495) 225-1913
Website: N/A

Last night was the much anticipated (or at least over-advertised) launch of Versus, the first of the Fall Season nightclub openings in Moscow. A slightly damp (due to the miserable weather) crowd of Moscow clubbers, b (or c)-list celebrities, and the usual beautiful people entered the labyrinth and descended into the depths of this newly opened club near Mayakovskaya.

The venues is a confusing mix of stairways, labyrinthine rooms spread over 2 (or was it three?) floors, with a series of balconies and a glass walkway overlooking the central dancefloor and obligatory gogo girls. The design is fairly industrial and the unfinished/exposed/modern look here is central to the theme.

Drink prices are reasonable (at least by Moscow nightclub standards) and despite opening-night issues, the bar crew seemed to know what they were doing.

Unfortunately, despite being pitched at the pafusny clubbers that frequent Dyagilev, Rai, Opera, etc, I didn't get a sense that this club had anything to offer that would entice the current scene away from the reigning trio, so it wil be interesting to see if the club develops futher or quickly becomes a footnote in Moscow nightclub history.

Reflections on life and not quite love in Moscow...

Below is an (English) reprint of an article that appeared in Moscow's new lifestyle magazine "Sex and the City" on the topic of "Sex & Money in Moscow", which I felt captured a certain element of Moscow's nightlife.
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Reflections on life and not quite love in Moscow

As the throbbing strains of Paul Oakenfeld's "Girls just want sex and money" filter through to the exterior of a high-end Moscow club, a harried feis kontroller scans the mob outside the door, and fields half-joking promises of sex in exchange for club entry from impossibly gorgeous young devushki in ridiculously high stillettos. Just another night out in Moscow, a city that worships at the the twin pantheon of sex and money to a degree not seen since the decline of Ancient Rome.

It's a fucked up adult version of Disneyland, and for a foreigner the price of entry is a high alcohol tolerance, an even higher bank balance, the ability to turn a blind eye to a moral code that would make an American stripper blush, and a chance, (just a slight chance) that you'll find yourself unable to ever return to the "real" world. For better or worse, Moscow has turned the corner from the insanity of the 90's, where a bottle of vodka cost $1, expats were rock stars, and having sex on a bar wouldn't raise an eyebrow. On the other hand, 10 years of improving dentistry, fashion, cosmetics (and cosmetic surgery) have a certain upside, and there's still plenty of threesomes in restaurant bathrooms to go around. Besides, the nightclubs and restaurants are better these days, even if they cost a thousand times the price they did back then.

Meanwhile, back in the club, a girl wanting to get past decides the best way to achieve this is to stick her tongue down your throat (she's right), a trip to the bathroom involves a decision as to whether that visit involves company (which may or may not be paid for), and the bumping and grinding of a mix of models, hookers, dancers, and the occasional regular girl makes for a potent mix of potential passion. Surprisingly, in a country where practically nobody speaks English, this still isn't a problem for monolingual expats. "You're fucking hot" comments an inebriated friend to a tall brunette, a typically creative Moscow pick-up line. She stops and looks confused. "Fucking... Da." she agrees in broken English, "but Hot... What is?".

In the surreal world of Moscow's high-end nightlife, you could be forgiven for thinking that the only thing a girl is interested in is money. Newcomers to the city are shocked to learn that dating here can cost more than that new Ferrari you’ve been wanting. If you want to date one of these club-going barbie dolls, you might end up "sponsoring" her, paying for her rent, wardrobe, car (& driver, of course!), and lifestyle. Dating even a "regular" girl involves frequent gifts. A girl recently complained that I don't buy her things "It is traditional in Russia to buy things for a girl who you are seeing... Just little things that you think she will like... Chocolates, flowers, diamonds..." she informed me with a straight face. Another friend, slightly frustrated by what he saw as an endless cash outflow for marginal return, complained to a girl that he was tired of sponsoring her. "Sponsoring me?" she cried, "you haven't even bought me a Mercedes!".

If you're chasing girls in high-end clubs, it’s no wonder expats are often more interested in finding short-term companionship than long-term love. You don’t have to deal with the apparent Russian lack of any concept of fidelity, and a combination of an early start, lots of practice, frequent bisexuality and extreme vanity mean Russian girls tend to be great in bed. Their obsession with personal grooming leads to some immaculate results (I didn't see my first pubic hair until I'd been in the country almost 10 months, and she was probably just too young to know the rules), but it pays not to get too attached. After a passionate session with a girl I'd seen several times over a period of weeks, I casually enquired whether a girl had any significant others. "I'm married" she replied, "why, is that important?".

But what the hell, this is Disneyland, and if you're in Disneyland and a giant mouse appears, you just go with it- right?

Max

[Comments and Opinions welcome]

Review: Opera (Опера)

Opening Hours: Thu/Fri/Sat 12am - last guest

Category: Megaclub, Ultra-Exclusive

Feis Kontrol Rating: Tough- 4/5

Address: 6 Trekhgorny Val Ulitsa, Metro: Ulitsa 1905 Goda

Phone: +7 (495) 205-9822 (General), +7 (495) 643-0564 (Table reservations),

Website: http://www.clubopera.ru/

Club Opera is the third member of the triumvirate of Megaclubs currently ruling Moscow's nightlife. Lambasted by many clubgoers as a has-been only six months after it opened, swarmed by a younger (below 18) crowd, it has stormed back over the Spring and Summer and is is a genuine contender for best Megaclub in Moscow.

Strong DJ's, live performances by a range of celebrities including recently Shakira, and a rocking Thursday night R'n'B night which makes it the place to be on the Thursday has done great things to bringing a great crowd of friendly regulars, great talent, while still maintaining a younger edge than Dyagilev.

The approach to Opera is guarded by a steel corral more suited to a cattle ranch, guarded by hulking security guards in military fatigues. The entrance is manned by one such Neanderthal, while a diminuitive feis kontroller whispers through a microphone to pass judgement on the penned potential patrons who may be permitted to pass. The feis kontrol here is notoriously unpredictable, and seems to take even greater delight in separating couples, friends, and casting out into the night those who don't play by it's arcane feis kontrol rules.

Despite the nasty first impression, it's worth it to continue into the depths of Opera. The lower level contains the coatcheck and a UFO-like interior of strange silvery padded walls. As you wind your way up the staircase, the pumping music starts to move you of its own accord. You emerge at the top of the stairs into the bright sights and sounds that is Opera. The dazzling display makes you think you really have landed on another planet. In front of you in the centre of the room, a circular bar surrounds a platform for dancing girls and shows, around this is a dance floor, and then circles of stairs rise from the pit for more dancing visibility to the outer ring of tables. The focus of the room is a large stage where more dancers gyrate and elaborate productions are staged mid-evening to keep patrons entertained. The DJ booth is a focal point to the front of the stage who holds sway of a more musically attuned crowd than at a venues like Rai.

Overall, Opera is a fantastic club and a great place to go if you want to party with a familiar crowd, and despite this being a notorious pickup joint with gorgeous girls, it's also easier to go and relax by yourself than at Rai or Dyagilev (if you can get past the Feis Kontrol).

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Update: 18/02/2008

Dyagilev's tragedy is Opera's gain! Anka, MoscowMAXIMUM's favourite dancer from Dyagilev, is now strutting her fabulous stuff at Opera!

Review: Bar 7 (Бар Семь)

Opening Hours: 12pm-last customer, 7 days
Category: Pre-Party, Bar
Feis Kontrol Rating: Moderate- 3/5
Address: Novaya Ploschad 10, Str. 2 (down alley)
M: Lubyanka
Phone: +7 (495) 730-5547
Website: N/A

In 2006 Bar 7 deservedly won "Best Bar" in the Moscow Nightlife Awards, and a Friday night there will show you why. Bar 7 recently celebrated its first birthday, and while it's facing some stiff competition from several newcomers, it's still a fantastic place to meet up with friends and really get into the mood on a weekend evening.

Bar 7 is located just off Lubyanka Ploschad, and is at the end of one of the narrow alleys that punctuate Novaya Ploschad. On a Friday night the huddle of cars and taxis will indicate its location. Once you make it down the alleyway, a reasonably strict but consistent Feis Kontrol will admit you into the bar. An incongruous flatscreen TV greets you as you wind your way past the coatcheck and bathrooms into the bar. Bar 7 is effectively one medium-sized room, with a capacity for not much more than 100 people. The decor is "minimalist baroque", with comfortable old-style sofas and lamps, and a huge chandelier over the bar.

Bar 7 is a pleasant and quiet bar most of the week, but the time to come is on Friday (and to some degree Saturday) evenings around midnight-2am. This is where Moscow's clubbing crowd comes to get into the mood before heading out. Bar 7 is packed, the crowd dances to a familiar mix of russky-pop, top 40, and a healthy dose of old Russian songs remixed for the new millenium. Girls dance on the bar, and there are plenty of fireworks, both metaphoric and real.

The crowd tends to be an upscale mix of Moscow's party people as well as a high proportion of expats. The smaller location allows a more intimate vibe, and it can sometimes feel like a private party, since so many of the people there know each other.

The bar staff are competant and friendly, drinks are strong, although not cheap (especially cocktails), and getting to the bar and then ordering through the legs of the girls dancing on it can sometimes be an entertaining challenge.

It's hard to put a finger on exactly why Bar 7 has such a fantastic atmosphere. A combination of the space, the crowd, the DJ and the sheer sense of fun makes this a genuinely great venue.

Since the recent opening of a number of other pre-party venues (Simichev, Sky Lounge, Bacardi, Most, Soho Rooms to name a few) Bar 7 isn't quite as packed as it used to be, but in some ways this is a positive, since it gives a little more breathing room while maintaining its great vibe.

About the only major complaint I can muster about Bar 7 is that once the crowd is going, it gets really hot in the bar, especially far from the entrance. More powerful air conditioning would do wonders for partygoers comfort levels.

Overall, Bar 7 is a fantastic place to meet up with friends and from where to launch a big Friday night. The crowd is friendly, the drinks are strong, and the music gets you into the dancing mood. The next few months will be key to see whether Bar 7 will maintain a substantial Friday night following or whether its mojo will fade. Stay tuned.

photos: mainpeople.ru

The One About Feis Kontrol (Face Control, Фейс Контроль)

So... You've heard about the notorious Feis Kontrol at Russian nightclubs? Pretty much all the stories you've heard are true. You basically have to be rich, beautiful, a regular, or know someone to make it into Moscow's top clubs, bars, and even some restaurants.

That said, it's by no means impossible to get through feis kontrol even if you might not approach the Moscow definition of such lofty standards (remember- mullets are still fashionable here, beauty is in the eye of the beholder).

The most reliable way to get through feis kontrol is to book a table at the club (see article), which involves paying several thousand dollars for you and your friends to have a table and eat and drink up to the limit you paid for the table. Access through feis kontrol is a fringe benefit (although not always guaranteed).

If you're not going to spring for a table, suggestions are as follows. Guys should dress well, since unless you're Russian, you're unlikely to be able to pull off "designer grunge" in the unique style of the Russian male. Women should dress as skimpy and Russian-fashionable as possible.

When you approach the door, identify who the feis kontrol guy (or girl) is, talk to them (not security), and let them know you want to come in. Be polite and confident, as you have every right to be in their club. If they ask you for a club card (which you don't have, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this article), it's generally a polite rejection, but state you don't have one but would like to come in. If you're rejected, don't push the issue, leave the club and go to one of Moscow's other nightclubs. Don't argue or give them a negative reason to remember you.

Speaking Russian is a plus, with English as a backup. The days where expats could expect access to top clubs simply by speaking English are long gone, and most feis kontrol guys I know don't speak English. English may still help you get access to 2nd tier places like Sorry Babushka, XIII, Fabrique, etc.

Ratios and numbers are a key issue. Single or pairs of guys or single or pairs of highly attractive girls are more likely to get in than couples or groups. Any more than three "non-clubgoers" are going to have a hard time getting through any door. Feis Kontrol take a perverse pleasure in splitting up couples, especially if they think they can separate them and get the girls (or guys) into the club without their partners.

If you're in Moscow long-term, get to recognise the feis kontrol people, they're often at other clubs late-night (Krysha or Garage are fav. hangouts), and get to know them, that way you're more likely to gain access next time.

Above all, don't take it personally, or too seriously. It's these guys jobs to keep their club desirable and keep people on their toes. Everyone gets "feised" sometimes, so don't let it ruin your night!